5 Truths About Living in a Foreign Country

It is far from easy, but it is worth it.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, moving abroad to Berlin, Germany when I was 23 years old was the best decision of my life. It was also the most difficult.

I recently came up on six years of living in Germany and thus, wanted to write an article about some of my findings over the past six years. Keep reading to find out more about:

• 1. Loneliness
• 2. Cultural Shock
• 3. Language Barrier
• 4. Failing
• 5. Missing “Home”

Loneliness

Living abroad is strange – people surround you, but simultaneously, you are entirely alone. How can one comprehend wanting to leave “home” but simultaneously feeling like an outsider while away from “home?” That’s how I felt – I didn’t want to stay in Minnesota, but I felt like an absolute foreigner in Germany. It isn’t evident to wrap my head around because as much as I wanted to be here, I still didn’t feel good. I wanted to be in an environment known to me – country music, the English language, American culture, and my friends. On the other side of the spectrum, I loved and adored everything German. I thrive in new environments, with new people, new keyboards (the German and American keyboards are different), new experiences, and new lifestyles. So, why did I feel alone if I was doing what I always wanted to do? Because the transition abroad isn’t black and white – it isn’t straightforward, and it complicates, or better yet, expands one’s self-identity. I now feel like an American living in Germany with Sudanese roots born in Egypt; it doesn’t get more complex than that, am I right?

I write home in quotations because “home” can mean many things. Once I realized that the word “home” is subjective, I decided to figure out precisely what it meant to me. This realization helped me understand that home doesn’t have to mean one place. It also doesn’t have to be where I am “from” (more on that in a later blog.) “Home” can mean whatever I want it to mean and whatever you want it to mean for yourself. Home is where the heart is – as corny as that may be. Home is where I can be myself without judgment. Home is where I am the happiest. Home is where loved ones surround me. That said, home is, first and foremost, an incredible Brauweiler man. It is also my beautiful family, besties in Berlin, and Day 1 in Minneapolis (Netty ❤️). Deciding what home meant to me eradicated the feeling of being lonely.

Cultural Shock

I went to our local coffee shop and ordered an iced coffee; homeboy started putting ice cream in my cup, and I thought, “what is going on here?” I ask him what he is doing, and he says, “making your iced coffee.” I didn’t know iced coffee in Germany is coffee and ice cream, not coffee with ice cubes like what I was used to in the states. It humbled me.

At the beginning of 2023, I went to the same Cafe and tried to order a Waffle for breakfast. Homeboy looked at me crazy, laughed, and said, “we don’t serve waffles for breakfast.” The friend I was with explained that pancakes and waffles are different from typical breakfast items in Germany. In Germany, pancakes and waffles are considered a dessert, which I now see them as. I once saw pancake mix in the dessert aisle at the grocery store and laughed out loud because, at that time, I thought they belonged in the pancake aisle, not the dessert aisle.

Here are a few more interesting cultural facts about Germany that differ from the US:

• Christmas is celebrated for three full days
• The actual Christmas holiday is on the 24th
• Drinking alcohol in public is completely legal
• The legal drinking age for beer is 16 years old
• The legal driving age is 18; it can cost up to a couple of grand to get your license and lasts forever – meaning one does not need ever to get it renewed
• The legal drinking age for hard liquor is 18 years old
• One can legally stop going to school in 9th grade
• Small-talk isn’t widely celebrated in Germany
• Most Germans speak relatively good English (the only Americans I know that can speak German live in Germany)

Language Barrier

My long-term partner is German and sexy as hell; let me tell you that.

*stay on topic Tina*

Over the years, we have had our share of language barrier issues, and that is because direct translations of German into English can sound quite blunt and impolite. Consider feeling offended by a comment your partner or others say to you despite knowing they mean no harm. *frustratingggg*

Due to my background as a native English speaker and an American native English speaker at that, I am careful with my words to avoid hurting the feelings of others. My rule of thumb regarding direct communication is that it’s a no-go, especially as a Minnesotan. 

Minnesota nice, amirite?

Essentially, I’m trying to say that I’ve had to train my brain not to think that what Germans say is rude. The German people in my life have no malicious intent (hopefully), but their words can sometimes be upsetting for someone with my background. 

When I met my partners’ friends for the first time, one of them asked if I belonged to Jonas. I was speechless. I am black and was just asked if I belonged to a white guy. *Slavery bells ringing*

His real meaning was if I were with Jonas.

All in all, I love my Germans dearly. This situation occurs the other way around too. I have said my share of strange things in German because I directly translated them from English.

Successful intercultural interaction demands patience, discipline, and self-control. I had to control myself not to snap on homie that asked if I belonged to my German boyfriend. Jokes, but in all seriousness, it takes work, as I said earlier. But it’s always worth it. My partner has improved his English skills tenfold while I continue to improve my German skills. We now purposely mistranslate things to laugh at how funny it sounds.

Failing

Y’all, I’ve been unemployed more than I’ve worked in Germany. There are many reasons for this, but at the end of the day, I moved to a foreign country with zero knowledge of the culture, customs, or language – failures were bound to happen, and they did, often. What I learned from my constant failures, whether professionally or in my private life, is that I am one resilient ass bitch. Heartbreak made me resilient. Ending friendships made me resilient. Losing jobs made me resilient. Moving from Berlin to Cologne made me even more resilient. The “failures” I experienced helped me build an armor plate mindset of utmost value. It is simple for me to try new things and step out of my comfort zone because I have failed so often that I am no longer as afraid. Therefore, I consider “failure,” in this context, to be one of positive meaning.

Missing “Home”

The trenches of sadness, loneliness, emptiness, and fear pulled her in from an early age, and held on tight for dear life. How can one withstand the darkness of their mind while looking for a reason to live?

I am her.

Missing home is bound to happen, regardless of one’s previous situation, at least in my opinion. I didn’t start overlooking Minneapolis until my fourth year living in Germany; if you want to know why let me know in the comments! I would be happy to write an article about that. Now, I digress. When experiencing “Heimweh,” like we say in Germany, or homesickness in English, it’s essential to consider your why. My “why” was always finding happiness and a reason to live. I’ve struggled with depression most of my life and severe depression/anxiety for the past five years. I dreamed of a life with happy thoughts, memories, and bliss. I got to experience this more than ever when I studied abroad in 2014, so I vowed not to give up until I healed my mind and experienced this sense of euphoria daily – alas, my “why” was born. I thought about my ” why ” when I got fired from my dream job. I think about my ” why ” when I see my beautiful little siblings growing up in the blink of an eye without being able to experience life with them. I think about my ” why ” when I imagine the younger version of myself that just wanted to feel loved.
Book that trip, take that chance, DM that guy, try out that hairstyle: do whatever sparks a light in your soul because THAT is your “why.” Remembering my “why” keeps me grounded when I feel homesick.
Germany isn’t my “why,” and moving away from Minnesota wasn’t the solution to my troubles. But chasing my dream of traveling, being independent, and loving the younger version of myself out of depression is, in fact, my “why.”