Existential Crisis or Spoiled Brat?

Amidst the storm, there’s me, Tina, trying to do right by all, while laughing like a crack head and dancing through supermarkets.

That’s me, with my hand over my head, probably thinking of something really funny. 🙂

For as long as I can remember, I have been all consumed with love. I simply, love love. But why? Where did my obsession come from?

Last week I had a thought – am I really as damaged as I think I am? Don’t get me wrong, I have gone through some of life’s most spine chilling events, but somehow, everything always worked itself out – most of the time, even better than I imagined. I have a light shinning through me that has guided me through intense trails and tribulations. Through homelessness. Through depression. Through ROCK bottom. But what does that mean? Does that mean that I am simply a tough cookie that never gives up? Does that mean I learned how to survive from the most independent, strong woman I know? Or does that simply mean, the events in my life did not define who I am today.

The reason I had this thought is because I tend to reflect on my life – the good and the bad. Lately, my reflective thoughts have been very positive and filled with love. I often think about how many incredible people I have in my life and how incredibly grateful I am to have such a wonderful crew. My main man and best friend for life, J. My family got my back all the way from Minnesota and I somehow feel closer to them now, than I have ever felt in my life. My OG’s from Berlin still keep in contact even though I moved out of Berlin 8 months ago. My small group of connections here in Cologne have already lit up my life faster than I ever imagined. It’s like everywhere I go in the world, I attract the most kind-hearted, loving, supportive, funny, wonderful humans possible.

Therefore, I can not really be damaged, right? I just chose to look through broken glasses, because deep down, I was broken. The Girl Behind the Broken Lenses.

I am not a walking tragedy. I am not a girl bound to anxiety. I am not destined for a life of misery.

I am simply, love.

This is why I have always yearned love, because it’s the building block of what makes me, me!

This is why I draw in so many fantastic people into my life, because they are a reflection of me!

So, here’s to little baby Tina that thought the world hated her; you are loved, more than you can even imagine, and I sincerely hope one day you believe that. You are so loved one may even say, you are spoiled with the riches of what matters most in life.

4 thoughts on “Existential Crisis or Spoiled Brat?

Leave a Reply to Chellina Angok Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s