To Me…

This post is about me.. My struggles.. My strength.. My accomplishments.. and my drive.

Most people do not know that I have a daily struggle with anxiety. Most days I wake up frightened to the core about my worries. And throughout the day I do everything possible to counteract these negative thoughts. Some days I am successful, some days I am not. I first realized I had anxiety during the winter of 2017, but it was not until the summer of 2018 that it started consuming my life. At this time my boyfriend and I were long distance and saw each other once a month. I remember him saying “wow you look skinny” during one of his visits this summer which absolutely devastated me. My anxiety had reached a level that suppressed my appetite.  I did not even want to eat sweets anymore and I have the biggest sweet tooth in the world.

If you follow me on Instagram (@t.angok) you will know that my life is consumed by fitness. I plan every day around when I can go to the gym and try to be as active as possible. The reason I am mentioning this is that I often hear and read people say fitness can counteract or suppress anxiety; the only problem is I am already extremely fit and I still struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. Yes, working out releases endorphins in your brain which are a natural mood booster. Yes, focusing on my workouts distract me from everything else going on in my life. But then I am done, reality hits, and I am back at square one.

I want to share this part of my life in hopes of helping someone that is going through something similar. I want to be transparent about who I am. I want to be a support system for anyone that needs it. I want to share the things that calm my thoughts, make me smile, and give me purpose.

Anxiety is not fun, but it can be stopped. Worrying about future events does not prevent them from happening, it only steals today’s joy. I’ve read countless quotes like this but none of them resonated with me. It was not until I decided to keep myself busy and become more spiritual that I found peace of mind. It is impossible to actively think about two things at once, so as long as one keeps themselves busy, there is no room for worry. Spirituality has helped me realize that everything happens for a reason. Everything that is meant to happen, will, so over-thinking about these situations will not stop them from happening. Also, the universe will only put one in situations that one can handle. It is all part of a divine plan and once we all start accepting that, we will be able to come to peace.

I do not believe in medicating myself for mental illness. I do not believe in medicating myself in general unless I have really bad cramps or a headache haha. My point here is that I’ve been working to fight this for a while now. I think anxiety is something I will always have, but I’ve learned how to minimize it. I still have bad days – for example, I got a headache today from over-thinking too much, but they are getting better. I am proud of myself for fighting this fight. I am grateful of my strength to push through any bad situation. I’ve learned so much about our brains and the universe in the past year and that has helped me focus more on the positives. I am a very driven person and I know I can get through any situation life throws my way, anxiety is just the next hurdle I need to jump over.

So, kudos to me, I’ve been through so much and still remain strong.

If anyone reading this wants an ear to listen, feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.



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